Young people consistently say they want authentic self-expression, less judgment, and more interpersonal trust on social media, yet they rarely manage to engage that way. My dissertation argues that the obstacle is normative rather than individual: how youth engage is governed less by personal choice than by platform norms, peer perception, and beliefs about how others behave. I take a social norms approach to youth social media design organized around three claims. First, platform norms constrain individual behavior, producing a pluralistic ignorance in which youth enact norms they privately reject. Second, design interventions are themselves shaped by existing norms, so whether a feature works depends on the environment around it, which means relational goals such as privacy must be treated as social norms rather than individual settings. Third, a societal norm about what ``social media'' is -- equating it with a few mainstream platforms -- confines policy and design to mitigating those platforms rather than actively envisioning supportive alternatives. Together these claims motivate my dissertation research: engaging youth directly in designing and building an evidence-based independent platform whose features consistently signal that building trusted connections is what the space is for.

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