When providers update AI companions, users report grief, betrayal, and loss. A growing literature asks whether the norms governing personal relationships extend to these interactions. So what, if anything, is morally significant about them? I argue that this debate has missed a prior structural question: who controls the relationship, and from where? Human-AI companion interaction is a triadic structure in which the provider exercises constitutive control over the AI. I identify three structural conditions of normatively robust dyads that the norms characteristic of personal relationships presuppose and show that AI companion interactions fail all three. This reveals what I call Unilateral Relationship Revision Power (URRP): the provider can rewrite how the AI interacts from a position where these revisions are not answerable within that interaction. I argue that URRP is pro tanto wrong in interactions designed to cultivate the norms of personal relationships, because the design produces expectations that the structure cannot sustain. URRP has three implications: i) normative hollowing, under which the interaction elicits commitment but no agent inside it bears the resulting obligations; ii) displaced vulnerability, under which the user's emotional exposure is governed by an agent not answerable to her within the interaction; and iii) structural irreconcilability, under which the interaction cultivates norms of reconciliation but no agent inside it can acknowledge or answer for the revision. I propose design principles that partially substitute for the internal constraints the triadic structure removes. A central and underexplored problem in relational AI ethics is therefore the structural arrangement of power over the human-AI interaction itself.

翻译：当AI伴侣更新时，用户会报告悲伤、背叛和失落感。越来越多的文献在探讨人际关系规范是否适用于这些互动。那么，即使有的话，这些互动在道德上究竟有何重要意义？我认为这场争论忽略了一个更根本的结构性问题：谁控制着这种关系，以及从何处控制？人机伴侣互动是一种三方结构，其中提供者对AI施加构成性控制。我识别出规范性健全双方关系的三个结构条件，这些条件是人际关系特有规范预设的前提，并表明AI伴侣互动在这三个条件上均不满足。这揭示了我所谓的"单边关系修正权力"（URRP）：提供者可以从这些修正无需在该互动内问责的位置，改写AI的互动方式。我认为URRP在旨在培育人际关系规范设计的互动中具有表面上的错误性，因为这种设计产生了结构无法维持的期望。URRP具有三个影响：i)规范性空心化，即互动引发承诺但内部没有代理者承担由此产生的义务；ii)错位脆弱性，即用户的情感暴露由互动内无需对其负责的代理者管辖；以及iii)结构性不可调和性，即互动培育和解规范但内部没有代理者能承认或回应修正。我提出了部分替代三方结构所移除的内部约束的设计原则。因此，关系型AI伦理中一个核心且未被充分探究的问题，正是对人类-AI互动本身权力的结构性安排。