In human conversation, empathy involves not only recognizing a partner's emotion but also regulating it, listeners identify the emotional state, select a suitable regulation strategy, and implement it in their reply. Current large audio-language models (LALMs) largely map perceived emotion directly onto a response, skipping this regulation process. As a result, their responses tend to mirror the user's affect or offer generic sympathy. We propose ER-EDF, a psychology-grounded framework for empathetic dialogue that follows the three stages of Gross's Extended Process Model of emotion regulation, identifying the user's emotion from speech, selecting a regulation strategy matched to that emotion, and implementing the strategy through a LALM. The framework is model-agnostic and integrates seamlessly into existing LALMs. We further construct a spoken empathetic dialogue dataset and introduce empathy-aware evaluation metrics beyond lexical matching. Experiments across five LALMs and two datasets show that ER-EDF consistently improves empathetic response quality in both automatic and human evaluations. These results suggest that modeling how humans regulate others' emotions, rather than only how they perceive them, is key to empathetic spoken dialogue, paving the way for psychologically grounded empathetic AI.

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