Speech emotion recognition (SER) systems can exhibit gender-related performance disparities, but how such bias manifests in multilingual speech LLMs across languages and modalities is unclear. We introduce a novel multilingual, multimodal benchmark built on MELD-ST, spanning English, Japanese, and German, to quantify language-specific SER performance and gender gaps. We find bias is strongly language-dependent, and multimodal fusion does not reliably improve fairness. To address these, we propose ERM-MinMaxGAP, a fairness-informed training objective, which augments empirical risk minimization (ERM) with a proposed adaptive fairness weight mechanism and a novel MinMaxGAP regularizer on the maximum male-female loss gap within each language and modality. Building upon the Qwen2-Audio backbone, our ERM-MinMaxGAP approach improves multilingual SER performance by 5.5% and 5.0% while reducing the overall gender bias gap by 0.1% and 1.4% in the unimodal and multimodal settings, respectively.

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