Perfect $L_2$ sampling is a powerful primitive for turnstile data streams, allowing algorithms to extract an index with probability proportional to its squared frequency, with applications to dynamic join size estimation, query optimization, heavy-hitters, sampling from self-joins, and real-time monitoring of evolving datasets. The setting $p=2$ is also the largest $p$ for which $L_p$ sampling can be achieved in polylogarithmic space. However, existing space-optimal perfect samplers rely on explicit polynomial duplication, requiring inefficient polynomial update times per stream arrival. Resolving a open question left by Swartworth, Woodruff, and Zhou [FOCS 2025], we present a perfect $L_2$ sampler that achieves an expected $\text{polylog}(n)$ update time while maintaining an optimal $\tilde{\mathcal{O}}(\log^3 n)$ bits of space.

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