Gay dating applications such as Blued are widely used for meeting partners, yet their role does not end once an intimate relationship is formed. When these platforms persist within an established relationship, they transform from matchmaking tools into a form of relational infrastructure that both partners must continuously manage. Building on existing CSCW and HCI research that has primarily examined how social media triggers jealousy, surveillance, or trust issues in intimate relationships, this study investigates how the persistent presence of gay dating applications shapes the dynamics of intimate relationships among Chinese gay men. Through semi-structured interviews with 23 self-identified gay men aged 19 to 55, we identify a recurring cyclical process: platform signals-such as online status, profile updates, distance indicators, and usage records-trigger suspicion and conflict; partners invest negotiation labor through intent explanation, visibility control, rule formation, or silence; and these negotiations eventually sediment into temporary governance settlements that reduce trigger frequency but remain conditionally stable. We identify four types of governance settlements: infrastructure removal, transparency governance, silence agreements, and layered/open agreements. Each settlement addresses the governance problems of platform presence, visibility distribution, and loyalty boundaries differently, yet none achieves permanent stability due to platforms' reversible entry mechanisms and continuous visibility cues. Our findings extend existing CSCW research on digital technology and intimate relationships by revealing a more complex process than previously documented: platform signals not only trigger emotional responses but prompt partners to engage in sustained relational negotiation through explanation, visibility management, rule formation, or silence.

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