Capability claims in robot manipulation are unverifiable, and existing leaderboards are each closed, simulated, or gameable. We propose HATCH, a robot escape room: an openly specified, physically replicable, sensor-scored, and unrehearsable benchmark. Tasks span five skill categories at three difficulty levels and are chained so that the sensor confirming one task's completion unlocks the next, turning a room into a single long-horizon evaluation. Success is confirmed by instrumentation rather than human judgment, scoring is embodiment-agnostic, and object placements are randomized by a run-day seed. Entrants submit attested self-runs (uncut video, sensor logs, and the seed), with occasional organized events for calibration. Task specifications, build guide, bill of materials, and scoring rubrics are released under an open license.

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